After leaving the relationship


You’ve taken the first step in the healing process by leaving an abusive relationship.

After a breakup, you can navigate the next steps by learning how to heal yourself and take care.

Common Experiences in Recovering from Abuse

There are several abusive situations and relationships:

You can also find out more about the emotional side of things.

Financial (e.g., Limiting access to funds or controlling shared finances.

) and reproductive coercion (e.g., Breaking condoms or interfering with access to birth control are examples of reproductive coercion.

Digital (e.g., If you are being stalked, demanding passwords or access to a phone, then this is a form of digital.

When you recover from an abusive relationship, you may experience a range of emotions. All of them are valid.

You might also feel positive emotions. Some survivors can feel like a burden has been lifted.

Some days, you may feel confident, strong, and happy about your decision. “Some days, you might feel overwhelmed with sadness and anxiety. You may even question your decision,” says Ebele Onyema. All of these emotions, from feeling empowered and free to feeling lonely or missing your ex, are perfectly normal.

How long does it take for the body to heal

Healing is not the first thought that comes to your mind when someone ends an abusive relationship. Survival does,” says Gross.

Healing is a process that takes time, but each person’s experience will be different.

She adds, “But there is a possibility — you can get to a point where you understand your triggers and know how to respond to them appropriately.”

How to heal after an abusive relationship

There are many ways to support and relieve yourself along the healing journey.

Create a safety program (if you don’t have one already).

Gross explains that safety planning can help you feel in control. “You can include responses to different situations, such as if you see [your ex] out and about or if you are contacted on social media.”

Onyema says, “Your safety and security should be your top priority after a breakup so that you can focus on your own healing and journey.”

Set boundaries

Onyema believes that setting limits after a relationship is as important as it was during the relationship.

She says, “Make sure that you and your ex-partner are on the same page when it comes to communication and behavior.” “And if you’re not — and it is possible that you aren’t — then remember your boundaries and needs matter. You have the right to your own space and time. Be confident in expressing it.

Consider setting digital boundaries as well, such as blocking your ex on social media or taking a break from it.

She adds that knowing your partner can’t access you on social media may provide you with the distance needed to heal at your own pace.

Self-love and care for yourself should be a priority

Gross says that “self-care, and love yourself are vital for survivors to avoid being sucked into another abusive relationship.”

Respect your feelings and thoughts as they arise. She recommends journaling to help you process your feelings. It can be a safe place for you to process your emotions and reflect on how much you have grown over time.

Onyema recommends that you pick up old hobbies or do things you love.

Use your newly found time to work on building your self-confidence and helping you achieve emotional balance. “You deserve it,” says the woman.

Repeat healing affirmations

Gross advises you to remind yourself that it was not your fault. “If it’s necessary to set an alert on your phone or write the information on a Post It note, then do it.”

Onyema says, “It’s hard to not look back at your past relationship through rose-colored lenses, or feel that you miss your former partner, but remember you are strong and you will get through this.” Remember that everyone, including you, deserves to be in a relationship where they are respected and valued.

Learn about the abuse of children.

Learning about abuse will help you avoid similar situations.

Gross suggests learning about:

Why do People fall in Love with Abusive Partners?

Why do people stay in unhealthy relationships?

How abuse manifests itself in various areas of life.

She says that when everyone understands and knows how intimate partner violence occurs, we can eliminate the stigma of the issue and provide the necessary support and services for both survivors and perpetrators.

Create a strong system of support.

You do not have to go through this alone. You can feel more connected and stronger during the healing process by receiving support.

Gross says that a great support system includes family, friends and therapists, coaches, personal trainers, support groups, etc.

Onyema believes that people in abusive relationships can often be isolated from their family and friends. It’s important to reconnect with your family and friends. They can help you feel better about yourself, boost your self-esteem, and counteract any negative thoughts or doubts that may have come up after a breakup.

Look ahead

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention CDC (CDC), intimate partner violence affects many people in the United States every year. You are not alone if you have recently been in a violent relationship. It is not your fault.

It’s impossible to say how long it will take to heal from an abusive relationship. You can find relief by creating a safety strategy, practicing self-love, and seeing a therapist.

“Breakups aren’t easy. Onyema advises that you should be patient and kind to yourself. There is no “right” way to heal. You can still recover, and you will become stronger over time.

Help is available to you whenever you need or want it.

She reminds you that “you made the first courageous step — you left.” As you center yourself and continue to heal, you are doing so in small but significant ways.

Why do some people fall in love with abusive partners?

You may feel confused and uneasy about what to do if you love someone who hurts. There are many reasons to love an abusive partner.

You may be able to see the physical signs of abuse. They may be more subtle and occur on a psychological level, leaving you unsure if they are abused.

You may be asked, “Why don’t you just go?” but this option might not be as simple for you. Other factors and strong emotions are involved.

You may be thinking about other things and asking yourself questions like, What if it changes? What if you’re at fault? What if love is all about this?

In the United States, more than ten million adult men and women are abused by their romantic or intimate partners every year. Anyone can be used, and you are not to blame if this happens to you.

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